Men in my Life
As and when I read through the news of gender abuse or discrimination, I consider myself lucky to have such men or boys in my life where I had less resistance, more motivation. They prepared me to deal with any such incidences in life.
On this International Mensday, this blog is dedicated to all the men who are, were, and will come into my life. And I’m thankful that they have helped me grow and be what I’m.
As everything starts with the family, my Papa never differentiated between us sisters and our brother. Of course, he has his own set of prejudices, perceptions, and beliefs, but that applies to all of us in the very same way. He gave me my first typing lessons when I was 9, only because I wanted to learn and we had a typewriter. I was kind of a typist for him after that. :)
My brother has almost always been a pillar of support, even though we had our share of differences. I do have a lot of cousins. Even though they aren’t as close as my blood brother, I know they will be there for me or any of their sisters.
Then there are uncles, maternal, as well as paternal, for some reason I have always seen them encouraging whether for studies or work. It is a safe place to be and I appreciate it.
I had the chance to work with some of the open-minded seniors who helped me change my perceptions of gender equality at work.
I can’t skip the mention of my husband. Only people who have given me my driving lessons are my husband, Papa, and myself. I have seen husbands say to their wives, not to drive a car because they will scratch it. So would you! I never got that from either my Hubby or Papa. When I was in the left-hand driver seat for the first time in the US, I was driving too slow as per the speed limit there, but my brother never took the wheel from me. Despite I missed an exit, went through the fast lane, and then I regained the confidence while driving. One of my friend’s husband doesn’t drive a car but doesn’t mind sitting on the passenger seat with her.
These are a few gestures that show the character of these men, what matters to them, and what they desire for their female counterparts.
When it is said that there is always a woman behind a successful man, so is true for a successful woman, there will be a man standing behind or beside her.
However, a few of my aunts feel that they never got a chance to study in the fields where they wanted. Possibly true, I do not know. They got to be a teacher instead of a lawyer or working in a firm. But do you realize, you have had the opportunity to study and use it to earn and be financially independent? You were not denied the right to study and be out there.
Blaming is always easier than gratitude.
The equation between these 2 human breeds 😋 has evolved a lot over time.
If we look at the ancient era, role segregation for men/women was very defined. Procreation was one of the primary reasons for the association or the arrangement called marriage. Men were to work towards providing stability in terms of finance and security, while women were to make life pleasurable by producing heir/s, food, cleaning, and other chores. And a patriarchal society was formed.
Then few men realized that there is more to this equation. Few started making way for women in the intellectual world and worked towards societal reforms. Whether we talk about Raja Rammohan Roy or Jotiba Phule or Ambedkar or many others for thinking differently about Child Marriage to Sati till divorces, they had to navigate against the wind.
As we keep saying, now women are in almost every field. That’s because for those hundreds of men with a formed opinion one man decided to believe and stand with a woman for changing dynamics of the gender equation.
Well, I don’t give all the credits to men but you can’t take away what they have done.
For every Elizabeth to be Queen Elizabeth, there should be a husband who can kneel to her without feeling less about himself.
It’s a hard choice to make and harder to put through.
Now we are living in a modern world where being a woman is enough. One doesn’t need men in life for security or stability. Women are more and more self-sufficient and less dependent. Procreations can also happen out of the womb. We have come from when it used to be a big deal to give Milk or Ghee to a girl, to where Women wrestlers are being adored.
Personally, I do not believe in the concept or the term Gender equality. Equality is for the oppressed who need help to pull themselves up. Women are not oppressed, instead, they need the support and belief of men, which a man would show for another male associate.
We still feel overwhelmed when we see women on top whether in politics or the board. Instead, it should feel normal like it would have felt if a man was in the same position. Is it really progressive? Why one would be progressive for supporting something which should be normal by the sheer nature of it!
Let’s wish for a world where merit is what decides where you be, where ample opportunities are available for all. This thought makes me feel happy, yet I know it is not as simple as it sounds.
In these changing dynamics, one could wonder whether men and women still complement each other?
We need more such men who can feel superior by making their women feel superior. When it is okay for both to clean and earn; to take care of the kid and cook; to do the laundry and dishes; argue and discuss; to tell you are wrong and accept wrong for the self, and still be together.
We are truly evolving towards the Ardh-Nareeshwar Swaroop of the men-women equation. That’s the balance of nature and a way to be.
A weak man can’t love a strong woman. He won’t know what to do with her.
To all the strong men in my life, you are Oxygen and at times Carbon dioxide. Thanks for being there…
Why don’t you as well tell those men in your life that how important they are
Originally published at https://amritaraifeelalive.blogspot.com on November 20, 2020.
